It Is Love Which Shatters Us

Love, and do what you will. 

- St. Augustine

Love promises happiness for those who wait and work for it.

The promise that love brings is precisely that which propels each and every human being to look for it. It is what drives us to search for those whom we will pledge our whole life to, knowing that only in determining who "the one" is can we actually be fulfilled. And because we find this to be an important part of our life, we look forward to it, anticipate it, plan it, and tie it up with other areas of human living. Furthermore, there is this tendency to look at love as if it is something that "adds over," that is, granting an even greater happiness to our once satisfied lives as if it is a fairy tale waiting to happen.

What happens, then, is that love becomes a part of a system defined by categories. One erects standards and preferences, the qualities that the beloved should possess in order to be loved. One creates an image of how love will occur, perhaps the best possible condition and situation where love will happen. One already looks forward to finding and being in love as if what lives in fantasy would exactly happen to reality. All of these seem that love, in its entirety, can be controlled, anticipated, expected, designed for one's own comfort.

But isn't this all empty fantasizing, which drifts us away from what we are supposed to be open to? Isn't love supposed to be something which happens, in the purest sense of the word? Isn't it the case that the most genuine expression and experience of love comes in the ways that we least expect it to be?

Indeed, it is true that in one way or another, love involves a sort of planning and anticipating, and that is perfectly normal, for love remains to be an important part of our lives. Who or what we choose to love would be an important part of our lives, and we wouldn't want to decide on it haphazardly. However, no amount of planning and determining could prepare or even pave us the way for love to happen. Unfortunately, love, despite all our ways to steer it, comes when it does. Moreover, it does not place itself as a mere supplement or accessory; rather, it is that which takes over and lies at the center, capturing our very own selves. It rampages and tramples  us down, brings us to our knees, as if it is something that completely surpasses our control. Such is love, so violent that drastically shatters our whole being and leaves our own destiny to itself.

Love can only be measured by love .

-Hans Urs Von Balthasar

Violence occurs in the different instances in the life of one who seeks for love. The cracks and crevices of a human being's existence is exposed once he realizes that he cannot live in this world in solitude, understanding the world on his own terms, proceeding with life on his own will, being once and for all the captain of his destiny. He might have everything that the world offers, and yet, it seems that none of these would finally grant him rest and consolation. Such emptiness leaves him wounded in the furthest recesses of his own being, as he realizes that there is nothing he owns and determines that would fill him and close his wound.

In his search, he comes to find the beloved who captivates him. The beloved appears to the lover as if she is someone he did not expect or anticipate, and could never look the same again. She comes at a surprise to him, and he begins to see something in the beloved that he did not see before. For him, she becomes the beautiful, the attractive, the desirable, and the incomparable. Perhaps, it happens that the beloved becomes captivated by the lover's own being, and he also comes out as a surprise to her, in such a way that he ceases to be someone she has used to know. He becomes different for her, and such difference captivates her so much that she cannot do anything but to be open to the whatever he might be in the times that they are together.

At such event, the walls and the barriers of both the lover and the beloved crash down, allowing both of them to recognize each other as distinct, precisely as a complete "you" to each other. The expectations and conditions that they have determined suddenly disappear, as if they do not matter and would have to be dealt with a later time. The past, the present, and the future that both the lover and the beloved has for themselves have now been redefined. And at that moment in their life, they learn to embrace each one's own possibility, including a possibility of being together for each other, a possibility that has not been considered in their solitude and that each of them does not expect or anticipate to happen.

Love has already broken down their barriers, but it would go further as to break down their whole selves in the process. In choosing to remain for each other, the own selves of the lover and the beloved break apart, especially when they experience the joys and the pains of remaining with each other. Both the lover and the beloved lose control of their own selves, for they live not just in terms of their individual choices, as if they will everything to happen in their own way; rather, they are being led, not of another force but of their own will, to make choices for both of them. The lover cannot just act as if he is the only one who matters in this world, instead his love for the beloved draws him, in a quite involuntary yet unforced way to do something for her, to think of and do something for her always. In the same way, the beloved can let herself go and be free from the demands that come with being with the lover, yet her happiness and fulfillment that she finds in him stops him from doing so. In the end, the beloved stays with the lover in the same way that he chooses to stay with her.

And in such decision to stay, the thorns of love spring out and bring forth another wave of destruction. Not only are their past, present and future as beings in solitude destroyed, love has tied the lover and the beloved together in a quite cunning and deceiving way: love gives space for one to make a decision, but love ties such freedom with that which makes us happy, with that which we cannot resist, and leaves us in such a way that we can only choose what makes us happy, or to be more precise, what makes us ourselves.

This is how love violates us and leaves the lover nothing but be with the beloved, not in a hopeless and desperate way but in such a way that both of them fully choose to be with each other even though they need not be. Both of them, as wholes, as beings who can live in themselves, who have their own determinations, plans, and definitions, are destroyed and one is thrown into each other: confined to pasts that cannot be changed, to a present that can only be embraced, and a future that would always remain unknown. And such experience of a kind of determination into the unknown makes it more difficult to love, for love breaks all forms of assurances and promises of happiness and leaves the lover and the beloved nothing except the assurance of being one with the other.

Such is the violence of love, which moves into its own space, determines everything in its own time, and lets things happen according to its own flow, its own will, its own plans, that both the lover and the beloved can only freely respond.

Where the danger is, there lies the saving power.

-Friedrich Holderlin

The pursuit of the lover to move toward the beloved leaves him impoverished, with nothing to hang on to except his fate with the beloved, as two persons left alone to themselves in the world. However, it is only in love that both the lover and the beloved is drawn into a path towards finding what they look for: the happiness that springs forth from the greater possibilities that are presented, definitely excessive and overflowing, more than both of them can handle or understand.  In being thrown into mystery, both the lover and the beloved find themselves thrown into infinity as well.

That is why in the end, love liberates. Love sets us free from the walls and the barriers that cover us, from our own expectations and anticipations that will only lead to misery and despair. It crushes our very foundations only to build a new one, that which is based on the dynamism of our very own being, filled with uncertainty yet overflowing possibility. Indeed, such destruction comes at the expense of losing our own conception of ourselves, with all the pain and disappointment comes at it, but it reforms us because it takes away those that prevent us from seeing us as ourselves, as to who we actually are.

But this liberation will not be possible as long as we let ourselves be freely taken by love. And in this regard, freedom is given space to operate and let one be taken by love. In fact, it is only in freedom which lets love do its work. But how does one decide in this regard? Simply, it is to be taken by love, to decide according to love, and such involves not only deciding to respond to love by loving back, but also and more importantly, affirming the meaning of one's responses, wagering that things in fact would be make sense and bear fruit through my free action. Such decisions would involve a movement, whether it be in the form of letting go, where love ends to pave way for it to happen differently, or in committing to love another, in which one fully embraces the surprise and mystery of what is to happen after deciding.  This affirms that indeed, the meaning and work of love can be understood and pursued only in freely and continuously deciding to love.

Such is the violence of love, which shatters us and builds us anew, but only if we are willing to be so.

Tracks: #TheReturn

The second of two parts on the music of Fall Out Boy and the much-awaited return.

After 2009, the punk-rock/ pop-rock phenomenon that was Fall Out Boy slowly receded into the background, with no trace at all and no indication of an immanent return. A few months after, each one of them had their own solo projects quite apart and different from the project that was Fall Out Boy. Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley joined some of the guys from Anthrax to form a new band called The Damned Things. Patrick Stump, on the other hand, put a lot of effort to trim his body down and craft a new music and therefore a new image, starting by releasing a solo track with Lupe Fiasco, eventually coming up with a new album called Soul Punk. Pete Wentz, at that time married to Ashlee Simpson with a son they peculiarly named Bronx Mowgli, formed electro-pop band The Black Cards.

With all of these lined up to emerge as distinct figures that are extracted from Fall Out Boy without a single trace of it, it seems that there would be no chance of returning. And for most, it seems to be the most bitter ending for the band that has mostly been the part of the life of a teenager of the early 21st century. For them to end like that would be tragic, unfortunate even, to the point that there was no even farewell show or "one last reunion" for them to formally say goodbye to their fans. This has been the general sentiment of those who have stuck it to Fall Out Boy, who at one point have already moved on with their lives.

Well, this was the case... until the news struck the Internet no less than a week ago.

There were those who already had an idea that the four-piece pop-punk/pop-rock band would return, but it was made final when they posted new material over falloutboyrock.com. First, this was what they said:

when we were kids the only thing that got us through most days was music. its why we started fall out boy in the first place. this isn't a reunion because we never broke up. we needed to plug back in and make some music that matters to us.

the future of fall out boy starts now.

save rock and roll...

Second, together with such announcement is a new music video entitled "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up)." The video features a group of people (led by rapper 2Chainz) starting a fire and burning everything which reminds us of Fall Out Boy past, and it ended by featuring four people, presumably Fall Out Boy, tied up with their heads covered. What was portrayed in the video was exactly the same thing the band signaled its return in a bonfire at Comiskey Park, announcing to everyone that they are indeed back and are working on an album to be entitled "Save Rock and Roll."


Many speculations again arose in the release of the video, inquiring whether there is anything symbolic at all from the video itself, or to the particular version of the song that the band uploaded in the Fall Out Boy YouTube channel, or even the presence of 2Chainz and what could be expected on "Save Rock and Roll." But amidst all this, one thing is clear: Fall Out Boy is already back on track.

But perhaps the more relevant question would be: Why? It would only be a few months, years perhaps, before their individual projects could have a claim to fame. Stump's Soul Punk went out pretty decently, while The Black Cards have been working on remixing songs after the departure of their female vocalist Bebe Rexha. What could have possibly gone wrong (or right) that Fall Out Boy decided that it's about damn time that they get themselves together. One could perhaps attribute it to Wentz's divorce with Ashlee Simpson, or Stump's failure to "return" to music after "quitting" as a response to all his bodybuilding habits and its relationship with the kind of music he makes. Or perhaps to the failure of all their solo projects, leaving it necessary to rebuild. Or anything that could have happened with all of them. Then again, one thing is important now: they're all set to release their album come May, and for those who have anything to say for or against them have to wait a few more months before they pass their judgment.

While the world waits, it can only think about this whole decade-long run of the band and realize that there are only two things that stay the same with Pete, Patrick, Joe, and Andy: the incredibly long song titles and the ability to surprise the world with their own ways of twisting their own style, most of the time drastic and even productive. Looking back at it, one can definitely say that this capacity to insert surprising elements into their music is what keeps Fall Out Boy alive and kicking after more than ten years, as the dynamic combination of its four members have always brought something new to the industry more than their usual selves. What they have made for themselves, especially the music more than anything, exceeded expectations, and the results as well as the reception of all their efforts have been nothing but phenomenal, but in such a way that they would never be forgotten. And perhaps it is because of that element of surprise that despite this long, long break, the world still welcomes and embraces Fall Out Boy.

Their return, however, would come clashing not just with the pressure of getting back on track as they were before but also with the situation of the music scene. A few years ago, one of Fall Out Boy's friends and one of the most beloved icons in the punk rock scene, Blink 182, returned, and they did not disappoint with the music that they have come up with, being a perfect mix between the old Blink and their own individual projects, namely Angels & Airwaves and +44. And maybe this could be the same thing that could happen with Fall Out Boy. They have burned the past, yes, but what they were would always be part of who they are, it's just that there could be some sprinkles and scoops of what they have been doing for the past few years in their hiatus. Moreover, they would enter the music scene that is way way different compared to what they left behind two years ago. Besides the pressures brought to returning bands, they also have to come to terms about the rise of the indie scene, dubstep, and The Voice, new things that they could take a hit on and even sing about.

All of these boils down to one thing: the way they can surprise everyone means that there will be something in store for all of the lovers and haters of Fall Out Boy. At this point, it really now sank in:

#FOBisback

Tracks: Saving The Scene

The first of two parts on the music of Fall Out Boy and the much-awaited return.

About the year 2005, one of my friends showed me over YouTube a music video about a lonely young boy with deer antlers, saying that it's from a band called Fall Out Boy, about to break out in the music scene with their brand new single, "Sugar We're Going Down." The band, as I thought, was really nothing new to me, as I have remembered watching "Saturday," their second music video (as far as I can remember, "Grand Theft Autumn" was the first one) that was all about card-wielding and set-wrecking as solid punk rock music was playing in the background. However, I have not paid much attention nor raved about it, primarily because there are a lot more served at the plate during that time: My Chemical Romance has just released Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, Finch is still caught up with the craze of "What it is to Burn" and is about to release their second major album, and New Found Glory still has everyone singing to old songs in their new tunes, with the more "mainstream" bands The Ataris and Dashboard Confessional having just contributed a few songs to the Spider-Man soundtrack. At that time, Fall Out Boy was nothing more than a band that waits for an opportunity to emerge and accommodate a wider audience, and with "Sugar," I've had that feeling that they are going to be big.

And grew big they did. A few months after, "Sugar" rose to the charts, and they immediately had to follow it up with "Dance, Dance." Their third full-length album From Under The Cork Tree rose the charts and Fall Out Boy eventually made some noise not just within the punk-rock kids, but even in the major music channels and websites like Yahoo! Music and MTV.com, beating out . Slowly, the rag-tag punk-rock band that Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump, Joe Trohman, and Andy Hurley gained the fame and glory that many punk-rock fans think they deserved. Simply put, Fall Out Boy became the thing of the scene, singing about teenage romance and maturity problems coupled with hard guitars and occasional Wentz screams.

The band made the most of their success as they succeeded in releasing another music video while promoting their old material, both from Fall Out Boy's Evening With Your Girlfriend (their least mentioned mini-LP) and Take This To Your Grave. With the chain of tours, promotions, and performances, the followers of Fall Out Boy, whose numbers, looked forward to their promised third full length album.

As with all punk rock bands, many were actually hoping that the band would go with the flow and continue making those rough, punk rock songs that has gained the attention of the world. Will it be a better version of Cork Tree, as if it wasn't good enough? Would they return to their Chicago-style indie/garage look but with a touch of that catchy riffs and melodies that made them popular?

Indeed, there were a lot of speculations, but when Infinity on High came out, all of them were ruled out, much to the dismay of the majority. Come year 2007, Fall Out Boy brought out new music that has not been expected of them, starting out Infinity with an "under new management" message, as a few lines from Jay-Z started "Thriller," the first track of the album. They fired shots off the emo scene with their first music video, "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race," which was somehow read as a lack of gratuity for the scene that made them famous in the first place. From these, the message is clear enough: take it or leave it, Fall Out Boy is going to take things to a different direction. It's not that they are going to pull the plug on the past, but it's just that their creative energies took them to a different level.

Surprisingly, such shift in direction did not even lead to the decline of the band. In fact, they continued to rise with the new music, eventually reaching their highest point. Fall Out Boy eventually became a household name, thanks to endorsements and promotional tours here and there. The band also paved way for the rise of other acts signed under their previous label Fueled by Ramen, as well as Wentz's own Decaydance Records, such as Cobra Starship, the now-disbanded The Academy Is..., The Cab, and Paramore. Wentz later on established Clandestine Industries, his own clothing company, which basically highlights and makes available on the market the band's own fashion preferences. Advertisements, cameo appearances, and TV performances filled their schedules. Sure, punk rock kids bashed and labeled them "Sell Out Kids," but this did not stop the band's rise to fame, even dedicating their third video for Infinity, this time for "The Take Over, The Break's Over" for their fans of the past and present, with a message from Wentz's dog Hemingway telling everyone to give the boys a break, for, like all things, they do change.

The band waited and worked for more or less two years before releasing their fourth studio album Folie A Deux (just in case you missed, it's French for "a madness shared by two"), anticipated by an election-inspired demo album available for download. They pretty much continued from where Infinity ended, but one could notice attempts of going back to their old music in some of their songs,.as well as jabs about the showbiz culture that they have immersed themselves in. In fact, two of the music videos from Folie, the first single "I Don't Care" and "America's Suitehearts," were both subtle comments on the tabloid- and gossip-driven showbiz industry. Besides working on Fall Out Boy's music, Pete Wentz also promoted the song "Tiffany Blews" by publishing a six-series comic book loosely based on the song called Fall Out Toy Works. It seems that with the steady popularity of the band, springing forth from both their supporters and haters, Fall Out Boy still remained to be big, still steady despite all those changes as well as the individual affairs that they have to deal with.

However, despite all of these, the band announced that they were going on an indefinite hiatus in November 2009, just a few months after they have released a compilation album entitled Believers Never Die: Greatest Hits (that includes a new single, "Alpha Dog"), a separation that fans speculated to have been hinted by Stump and Wentz in the symbolism of their last music video for Folie, "What A Catch, Donnie." At that time, such announcement caught fans and supporters by surprise. How can this successful band, who continues to conquer the airwaves decided to just take a break and, in a sense, move on from what they have gone through? But at that time, the final word has been said. Indeed, it was an indefinite hiatus, meaning that the band does not give a definite date when they are set to return, or if they would return at all.